white poison industries

WTF am I doing finding a job?

I got a -84% typing rating today.  That’s right, – 84%. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I know it’s bad.  Bad enough that the temp staffing lady looked at me and said, “you have to go back and retake this.”  In my defense, it’s difficult to score well when you’re given the wrong thing to type.  When I had a paragraph and not an data entry form in front of me, I scored well within the employable rate.

Obviously I tried to do something about my employment status today.  I went to a staffing agency.  I should have had coffee before I went, but I got up my nerve to go.  

I’ve been stalling, but the finance class I took last night pushed me to get my shit together.  I need a job. I am burning through my emergency savings, and that is making my financial pyramid unstable.  Yes, I said financial pyramid.  I need income to increase my savings and decrease my debt.  I’m in decent shape, but if I wind up in a nursing home I’m going to need $90,000 a MONTH (based on a 3% inflation rate on the current living expenses) to live there.  I’m not sure I’ll ever have $90,000 dollars a year, let alone a month. 

And did you know you’re not even supposed to think about the offensive acts of finance (stocks, high interest accounts, IRAs, the things we do apart from work and embezzlement to make that $90,000 a month) until you have 6 months of emergency savings set aside.  Oh yeah, and you’re supposed to have all your insurance stuff figured out too; disability, long term care, home, car, fire, liability (in case someone gets injured in your home).  Seriously?  Oh my god! It’s incredibly interesting and completely overwhelming. More on finances later though, after I finish the class.

I arrive at the office.  I have the thought that maybe I should have called first.  So I park my car in front of the office, dial the number on their sign, and ask the very nice receptionist how one goes about becoming their client.  I ask if I need an appointment.  She says no.  I say thank you, hang up, and walk in. Subtle.  I’m sure she had no idea it was me on the phone two minutes before. 

If you’ve never been to a place like this, it’s actually okay.  You go in and fill out a packet.  It’s a pretty standard hire packet, except for the page asking for how many years of experience you have with certain skills.  According to this sheet, I have very few marketable skills. I was expecting that but seeing the number of things I know nothing about was slightly disheartening.  I need to get on that fork lift license.  I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.

After you finish the packet, you begin the testing.  It’s very high pressure.  I actually felt like I was taking the SAT again.  Things are timed, you have to spell, check grammar, type for 5 minutes, do calculator and story problem math, alphabetize, and read a ruler.  That’s it. None of this is overly difficult. Well except the spelling.  I HATE spelling.  

The stress came from wanting to beat the clock with a perfect score. I did this as a child too.  Do you all remember those timed math quizzes for addition, subtraction, etc?  Well, I used to push myself to be the first one done, and the next time we tested, I’d push to beat my own time.  I would work myself up into a competitive state that had nothing to do with anything. I was an intense kid.  Not creepy duffle-bag loner intense.  More the smarty-pants, know-it-all intense. 

I’ve mellowed some over the years, but today, I was also scared I’d get too many answers wrong and they’d tell me to get out.  Perhaps not a rational fear since I’m a relatively intelligent, normally functioning member of society, but still a fear. Luckily, I passed all the tests.  I even got 100% on my general skills test!  I almost asked for a gold star, but I didn’t even do that as a kid.  I’ll be damned if I regress. 

So tomorrow I have an interview with the company.  I have some questions, and I’m sure they’ll have some for me.  Hopefully at the end of it, I’m one step closer to gainful employment.  If not, at least I know what to do at the next place.