white poison industries

As we grow into adulthood we are fortunate if we have not lost loved ones who are not related or died of old age. When that’s the case we have parents to take care of the social niceties that are appreciated by family and friends when a loved one passes on.

Unfortunately, this week I lost one of the best friends that I’ve ever had. And I did not know the appropriate way to deal with the situation. I asked but of my parents (classy motherfuckers) how a young adult can show respect and class in a situation like this. of course, some of these things may not be necessary depending on your financial situation or how close you were to the person who died. But here are the basics. I hope this list helps it easier for you to  deal with these horrid, but inevitable, situations.

- Select a card. You can afford this no mater how much you make or how well you knew the deceased. DO NOT just sign and toss it in the provided basket. It’s customary to throw in what cash you can spare to help the family cover the unexpected expense of a funeral and headstone (the cash part was a surprise.) Even if you decide to skip the donation, you must write a personal note to the family. Share a memory, a personal story-something for the family to enjoy reading about their loved one-proof that others are grieving with them. It sure is nice to follow up with another card sometime down the road when the outpouring of sympathy has faded to let the family know that their loved one is not so easily forgotten and that you, too, still grieve.

-Flowers are nice, live flowering plants are better. This is not a contest-do this if you can afford it and to the extent that makes sense. Or, if you are the more practical type (why kill flowers to honor the dead?) just use flower money towards the money you would put in the card…..

- If you would like to share memories during the services, speak to the family. This is a difficult thing to do if you were close enough to the deceased to want to speak it will be hard to find the words, harder yet to speak them aloud at such an emotional time. It helps to speak to other friends and family members so that the things you say represent a whole part of this person’s life..a social circle, cause they worked toward, you get the idea….

Here is a recorded version of the eulogy I gave for Cydnie Owens:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqMDBc0vzRY

I’m not saying that this is the best way to memorialize the life of a friend, but it was personal, heartfelt, and an attempt was made to share the impact she had on the artistic community of which she belonged. You get the gist. This is not a pleasure by any means, but it is an honor.

As for clothes: This isn’t a fashion show, but it’s important to show respect by dressing nicely. Don’t get all stuffy about it, but showing up neatly dressed and in clean clothes show the family that you care. They may never have met you, so you don’t want them thinking that their loved ones had scummy friends. Shouldn’t mater, of course. But stuff like this seems to…..

It seems that viewing/visitation of the body has become a bit more casual. Jeans are even allowed as long as they look nice and are relatively free of holes. Sweaters, blazers, dress shirts without ties, etc. Nothing to dressy-save that for the funeral. Remember, there will be a lot of hugging and crying, so impeccible grooming is not expected. The most important thing is to BE THERE.

Funerals are also more casual than they used to be, but do make an effort to show respect for the situation by dressing nicely.  Dress as you would for church or a wedding. Err on the side of overdressing if it comes down to it.