1. Ladies never kiss and tell.
2. Ladies are almost NEVER the drunkest person in the room.
3. Ladies do not leave the house unless properly groomed. If makeup, hairstyling and dressing are out of the question due to time constraints, illness, or suffering due to being the drunkest person in the room: large sunglasses may be used as long as hair is neatly tied back. The more ‘beat’ you look the larger the sunglasses must be. And there is never an excuse to skip the lipgloss.
4. Ladies’ bras and panties always match or coordinate with each other. Always. Extra points for matching the outfit. Keep an eye out for a future “20 rules of Lady’s Undergarments” post.
5. Ladies DO NOT have bra straps or thongs showing from under their clothes.
6. Ladies do not intentionally steal another girl’s boyfriend. But they may, if the girl is a friend, bust the bastard out if he makes a move.
7. Ladies do not talk about others behind their backs….if they do, they had better be ready to ‘fess up if they get called out on it.
8. Ladies do not pick fights. Smart ones may finish them-but ONLY verbally.
9. Ladies should not have tattoos that are visible while wearing work clothing. Unless that lady is a stripper-strippers would not have anywhere to get tattoed if they followed this rule.
10. Ladies wear clothes that FIT them. It’s not the size of the pants, girl, it’s how they make your ass look.
11. Ladies rarely swear. If they do, it’s for the intent of humor or to make a point.
12. Bad grammar, unlike profanity, is never ladylike.
13. If a lady owns a top with a neckline so low that she has to continuously yank it up to keep her breasts from exposing themselves she should give it to a smaller busted friend. Send photos of tops you aren’t sure of to Duke for the final word.
14. Lip liner should NEVER be obvious.
15. Ladies are NEVER the loudest person in the room. They know there are much classier ways to get people to listen.
16. Ladies do not make out with other girls for attention. Kiss your girlfriends all you like-but if you wouldn’t do it sober and/or in the privacy of your own home don’t do it for a bar full of morons.
17. Ladies know the difference between being polite and being a pushover. Learn to say “no” to anything you want-just don’t be a bitch.
18. If a person will not listen to a polite refusal for ANYTHING, rule #17 may be discarded. If the unfortunate situation arises: hit them with both barrels-publicly humiliating someone isn’t always ladylike, but it can be for the greater good.
19. Ladies do NOT ‘fake it’.
20. Ladies make their own rules-any girl worth her spiked heels know when advice is worth taking or ignoring.
I am so glad someone finally wrote all these down in once place. Thanks, Miss Nicole!
Fellas, when you’re just looking for a cheap, quick date to get your rocks off, many of these rules are optional. But why waste your time? Adherence to these rules generally indicates that a woman knows how to get what she needs, which means she’ll be much more likely to know how to give you what YOU need. So, when looking to be friends or more with a woman, it’ll be well worth it to make sure she’s also a lady.
I like reading Miss Nicole’s great words…
It helps me understand women and puts a smile on my face…
Thanks
#17 strident women and passive men are both called bitches for displaying opposite temperaments.
Thanks Kelli and Mark. Nine, you only know this because of putting up with me, so don’t act all smart. We all know it’s borrowed, bitch
Kissses!
you’re right. i’m sorry. it won’t happen again.
this is why you are teaching charm school, nicole….. im working very very hard on practicing #4 on a daily basis. #2 and #15 are also downfalls of mine which are getting prompt attention through rehab. xoxox
rock and rool.
rock and ROLL, i mean. ladies rarely should misspell.
Great list, but I’m going to have to disagree on 14.
While it should NOT be attempted by novices, and black eyeliner is NEVER ever ever ever ever ever lip liner, there are exceptions to this one.
A liner a bit darker and well blended can make a lip look more full (as can adding a lighter lip color in very center of the pout). I’ve also seen a lady (just one) who can pull off an off colored (but coordinated) liner in a more glam/artsy look. It’s kind of hot.
Ladies all eventually turn into bitches…as soon as the ring goes on.
They are supposed to just cook and clean and SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET MY BEER YOUS DINGY YOUS!
All seriousness, I like these rules. But if I was a lady, I’d be sitting on a goldmine.
Bridget,
I do agree with you but thought it best to add that rule to discourage the less costmetically inclined from looking like a 2 dollar whole. So refer to Rule #20 and you’re still good….
Oh snap! She’s got me covered.
And the more I thought about it the more I realized the definition of “well blended” is pretty much the opposite of obvious.
I think most women in Des Moines fail at about 75% of them especially the one’s involving drinking and fighting.
Yeah, that’s kinda why I made the list
You write what you know-or would like to change.